I used to be invisible

I was a single mom for five years. That whole time I weighed about 240 pounds, wore like a size 18/20.

Funny thing. I remember thinking, often, that I must have been invisible. I wasn't thin enough or at enough to gawk at. I got my share of gawks up until about 200 pounds. After that...not so much. I used to go listen to live music at a casino when I could get a babysitter, and I remember sitting there, in this sea of people, and noticing that no one...no one...looked at me.

So, I stayed invisible until about 270 pounds, or a size 22/24.

Now, I feel like I've swung to the other side of gawk-iness. People are looking again, and not in a good way. I've gotten a few double takes at the grocery store, or restaurants. Nothing real obvious or mean-spirited, but still. That isn't so far in the future, if I don't get this weight issue under control, is it?

Also, two women that Kevin works with have mentioned my weight to him. For some reason that really hurt. Really, really hurt. I wish it didn't. I wish I could say, screw them! Who cares what they think. But I didn't, I couldn't.

So, I guess I'm working my way back down into invisibility. And when I get under 200 (a size 12/14 for me) I'll be on the other side of it again. The good side.