Once Upon a Fat Girl

Monday, May 22, 2006

I used to be invisible

I was a single mom for five years. That whole time I weighed about 240 pounds, wore like a size 18/20.

Funny thing. I remember thinking, often, that I must have been invisible. I wasn't thin enough or at enough to gawk at. I got my share of gawks up until about 200 pounds. After that...not so much. I used to go listen to live music at a casino when I could get a babysitter, and I remember sitting there, in this sea of people, and noticing that no one...no one...looked at me.

So, I stayed invisible until about 270 pounds, or a size 22/24.

Now, I feel like I've swung to the other side of gawk-iness. People are looking again, and not in a good way. I've gotten a few double takes at the grocery store, or restaurants. Nothing real obvious or mean-spirited, but still. That isn't so far in the future, if I don't get this weight issue under control, is it?

Also, two women that Kevin works with have mentioned my weight to him. For some reason that really hurt. Really, really hurt. I wish it didn't. I wish I could say, screw them! Who cares what they think. But I didn't, I couldn't.

So, I guess I'm working my way back down into invisibility. And when I get under 200 (a size 12/14 for me) I'll be on the other side of it again. The good side.


Blogger Living to Feel Good said...

Why would people mention your weight, how rude! People disgust me sometimes.
I think having mini goals is a great idea and having mini rewards makes it that much easier to get to them. I know a couple people who do the mini goals. Some do it for every 5lbs and some do it for every 15-20lbs.
Thanks for the comment! :)

8:32 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Why in the world would your husbands co-workers feel it was within their right to say something like that? Ugh, jerks. We all wish that things like that didn't bother us. It's hard sometimes to let things roll off our backs. Use their jerkiness as fuel girl!

8:37 PM  
Blogger Just Jill said...

Hi there,

I just read over your blog. I will be rooting for you! I just signed up on blogger.com but also have a blog at http://justjill.extrapounds.com/

Best of luck to you!

9:36 PM  

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