Involuntary Purge

Yesterday was strange.

Kevin and I took the kids to see X Men 3 (we loved it, by the way...fun movie). In Las Vegas, almost all the movie theaters are inside casinos. In Las Vegas, all casinos have buffets.

So we went to the buffet for dinner.

I haven't binged since May 1. I am proud to announce I didn't binge yesterday. I knew going in that buffets are a trigger for me. That not only do I tend to binge at them, I tend to continue to binge for days afterward. But I was feeling strong. I stayed in my calories for the day (I aim for under 2000), I just ate 1600 of them in one sitting. Ugh.

I did overeat. Yes, I think there is a difference. I ate a little past being full. I did not continue to eat and eat and eat, until I couldn't breathe.

Here's where it gets strange.

By the time we got to the movie, I was starting to feel really yucky. I blamed it on the heavy, rich food I'd eaten. I was feeling bloated...I actually had to undo my pants button (thank the goddess for darkened theaters!) I just couldn't breathe. I did overeat, but not by that much! I was just feeling awful.

When we got home, I decided to head to the gym. Thought maybe working off some of that food would make me feel better. I am proud to announce I did my first "tri-training"! I rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes, and did some strength training. It felt good. And it did make a difference that in my mind I knew I was training for something.

I came home, still feeling really gross. Although better for the work out.

Then I got sick. I mean really sick. Throwing up, severe case of the runs.

I do not purge. I never have. But it was a really weird feeling last night. I wanted to throw up. I felt so bloated, and so disgusting. I wanted all that food out of my body.

I take a handful of vitamins every day (multi, C, B complex, Iron, Magnesium, fish oil), and I took them last night, knowing that they might make me puke. That thought freaked me out. It wasn't the vitamins that made me sick, but just the thought felt very bulima-ish.

Ruby has been sick with stomach-realted-issues since Saturday night, so I'm sure I just picked up her virus. I didn't purge on purpose.

I woke up this morning five pounds lighter than I was when I went to bed.

So, now I feel like overeating and feeling sick are connected in my mind. Not necessarily a bad thing. Getting sick last night headed off what might have been another binge today, related to feeling guilty about over doing it last night. I don't know that I would have binged today. I'd like to think I wouldn't have.

But. Kevin's parents gave us THREE grocery bags filled with Tasty Kakes that some east coast relative gave them. I was so upset the whole drive home from the movies, knowing those were going to be in the house. Really, anxiety ratched up to panic levels. Now I feel like if I even have to look at a Tasty Kake, I'm going to puke again. Ick.

Normally I would have stuffed those damn cakes in my face, crying and miserable.

I feel weak today physically, but strong mentally.

My next tri workout is tomorrow. Funny how one little change of thought can make me feel like an athlete again. When I was riding that bike yesterday I imagined my family and friends waiting for me at the finish line. Even if I came in dead last...the thrill of competing again, of finishing something so challenging...I could taste it.