Once Upon a Fat Girl

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Diet Schmiet

Since I'm not feeling well, the most ambitious I got today was hanging out and reading other people's blogs. Of course right now I'm pretty much obsessed with weight loss blogs. I've noticed a few things, now that I'm really paying attention.

1. There are a ton of diets out there. I mean a solid ton. And they all contradict each other. Eat carbs, don't eat carbs. Count calories, don't count calories. It's exhausting.

2. A lot of people use the terms 'good' and 'bad' in relation not only to the foods they eat, but themselves when they eat. As in..."I was good today" or "I was bad today."

3. A lot of bloggers have lost some weight in the past, but have gained it back. Or have fallen off the point-wave-Atkins wagon, but are getting back on.

And the whole time I'm reading these blogs, I'm thinking--there has to be an easier way. For all of us.

I don't want to lose weight on a diet and then gain it back later. In fact, I can't even think of anything worse. I would hate that. I'd rather just stay fat.

What I'm working on is trying to figure out the cause of my obesity. There can be only one. And it isn't eating carbs or fat or protein. The only way to reach 323 pounds is to eat more calories than my body can use in a day.

And let's face it. I didn't get to this weight by overeating at meals. This fat suit has been brought to you by binging. Eating when I'm not hungry. Eating my emotions. Eating my pain and fear and loneliness and crappy childhood.

I do not weigh more than 300 pounds as a result of lack of willpower.

I weigh more than 300 pounds because for as long as I can remember, weight has insulated me. It keeps me invisible. It keeps me safe. It gives me a built in excuse for anything I'm too afraid to do.

I'm tired of being afraid. I want to really live, and I want to feel good. I want food to stop being the boss of me.

I'm 100 percent certain that a best-selling diet isn't the answer for me. If for no other reason than the word diet makes me want to take the box of Tasty Kake cherry pies in my freezer to bed with me right now.

P.S. I hope you all know that this post is not a judgement on anyone who follows a diet. This is just me trying to work out my own demons. We all have to do what works best for us. I understand that completely.

9 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

There are a ton of diets out there, definitely. I'm not a fan of most of them. I don't like the word in fact. Diet. Blech.

I'm trying hard to find a way to eat and live that I can keep up forever. That means that I will NOT completely cross anything off my list. I'm not going to say no to cake on my children's birthdays. But I'm not going to eat cake for breakfast anymore either.

I do that good/bad thing. I wish I didn't. There must be better terms to use right?

Last year I lost over 30lbs. I gained it back. You are right, there is nothing worse. It makes me mad at myself. It makes me feel out of control.

I don't want food to be the boss of me anymore either.

We can do it. I really think we can.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Living to Feel Good said...

I have to agree with you. That is one reason I like WW. WW works for me because they don't say no to any foods. They go on a point system which is really just watching how many calories you take in. So I can still eat fried stuff...but is it really worth the points or calories when I should be limiting myself to so many calories a day? Thats why I go for the low point foods which just happen to be healthy or "good" foods like fruits and veggies. I'm one of those people that says good and bad. Anything that equals my daily allowance for the day in calories is a bad food. Like that burger I ate at the game was close to 24 pts I think. I eat 20-24 pts a day. So anyway I think I am rambling here, but you are right. I think you are going about all of this the right way. You have to do what works best for you.
Glad you liked X-men. I've heard mixed things about it. How do you like living in Vegas? I have family there. We were suppose to go there last week, but canceled because I was sick the week before, and I didn't want the cig smoke to trigger my cold back, and we didn't know if my husband would get it. I'm itching to go back there. I like to go antique shopping there. I like The Red Rooster, and there are a couple other stores I go to. Sorry you got sick. I'm glad you don't want to be a purger. Purging is worse than binging in my eyes. I saw a girl at the store today that was all bones. I felt sad for her. She seriously was a skeleton not just skinny. :(
See you tomorrow!!

10:53 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

I agree about the diet thing. One hour carbs are bad the next its the reason why long term weight loss fails. I've actually never tried dieting but I've often wondered how well trying to this the old fashion way is working. Well, I mean, I'm unable to follow my plans. I always end up consuming enough calories to maintain my weight. Damn body's screwing me all up!
No, but seriously now, I can totally relate to being invisible. I just made a post about being a ghost.
And I don't believe willpower has as much to do with it - as many people seem to think (especially the ones around me). Your past experiences, your cognitive development make you the way you are- there is no blame because there were very little choices.

11:38 PM  
Blogger iportion said...

No you do not weigh 300 pounds do to lack of willpower I feel will power is overrated. I had to come up with a plan this time.

1. I know I can gain it all back if I don’t motivate myself.
2. I did this with maintinance in mind before I lost the weight.
3. I reward myself.
4. When I go under my weight goal and need to go back up I add calories but still journal.
5. I know there times I will gain. I am not perfect.

5:49 AM  
Blogger Louisa said...

I LOVE the way you write. You are not only eloquent, but achingly honest gritty and I feel as though I can really SEE you in your words.

Keep going .. you are gonna make it.

6:30 AM  
Blogger drstaceyny said...

Hi, Shaunta--great post! You're right, there are tons of (contradictory) diets out there, and the reason is, they don't work! (98% of all diets fail, with people end up gaining back all the weight, plus some) There's an approach called Overcoming Overating (book by the same title) that I really like and that's an anti-dieting approach to losing weight (deals with the emotional reasons we eat and how binges are created--from deprivation!) Check it out. It may seem like an uphill battle, but as this emotionally intelligent post reveals, you've already made lots of progress!

7:48 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

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8:11 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

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8:15 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I just had to delete my comment because I just said "That was one of the most well-written posts I have ever written". Duh! That's what happens when you have kids talking to you and you answer the phone while commmenting!

What I meant to say...

That was one of the most well-written posts I have ever read.
I always say to myself that I have been good/bad. It really is a terrible way to label myself.
I lost 60 pounds a few years ago and gained 40 of it back. I know that watching my weight is going to be a life-long battle. I hate that. It isn't the eating properly that I hate, it is the always feeling insecure and unattractive.
I wish there was an easier way. And I too want to dive into a huge bowl of ice cream. It is almost out of defiance! But who am I defying?
Great post. :)

8:19 PM  

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