A Nice Long Ramble

I think part of the reason I am still dealing with strong urges to binge is that I'm bored.

It isn't healthy to spend eight hours a day in front of the computer! I need to be doing something with my time other than looking up weight-loss related stuff, reading weight-loss blogs and fine-tuning my Calorie King log for the day.

Part of the problem is that I have three kids and my husband works a job and a half...I have very little free time. And even this early in the summer it's so damn hot that I hate to even think about going outside.

We joined the YMCA this weekend. And today is Adrienne's last day of school. We're headed for the Y tomorrow. Getting out, and away from food and food-related obsessions, will be helpful. Also Adrienne has expressed some interest in working out with me. She's too young to go to my gym, but the Y lets kids her age use the gym with adult supervision. They have a 1/10 mile indoor track that I'm thinking might be good for her and me to do together. Nick, too. No equipment to worry about them getting hurt on.

Adrienne isn't fat, but I she's talked about wanting to lose weight. I get all frozen and panicky when she does, because I don't know what to do. When I look at her, I see perfection. But she's 5'5" and weighs about 150. Is that fat? She wears a size 8. That's not fat. She's not fat. She's about the size I was at her age (I was 5'8" or 9" and 160.) But she isn't athletic like I was.

So do I encourage her to lose weight, when she says she wants to? I remember vividly when I was about 18, and had gained some weight after quiting my school sports--I weighed 175 or so--and telling my mother that I wanted to lose about 50 pounds. I purposely picked an outrageously large number (HAHA), fishing for my mommy to tell me that I'd disappear if I lost that huge amount. Instead she said, "good for you, Baby." And inside something died. I managed to hold it together until I could get alone in a bathroom, and then I cried and cried.

So if Adrienne says she wants to lose some, do I say, "I'll help, Baby?" Or do I say, "you don't need to lose a pound, Baby?" It's obvious that if she can maintain the weight she is now, she'll be healthier--even if she's 10 pounds overweight--than if she gets hooked on a dieting/yo-yo/10 pounds up, 10 pounds down lifestyle in the fucking eighth grade.

So I'm thinking that I can encourage a healthier lifestyle without risking inducing an eating disorder in my daughter. If she wants to walk with me, that's good. If she wants to just play in the pool, that's good too. Anything is better than sitting all day in front of the TV. And she can't eat fast food if I don't buy it. Junk food from the grocery store, either. It doesn't have to be about her, it can just be what we're doing now. Eating healthier. Going to the Y.

I've talked to her about training to do a triathlon with me. By October 2007 she'll be 15, which is old enough for a sprint distance (all I'll be doing anyway.) She isn't a strong swimmer--she's been afraid of water since babyhood. She knows how to swim, but would have to learn proper breathing and how to swim with her face in the water. I can help, and also the Y offers swim classes. She was interested in the triathlon thing. Might be fun! And if she thinks she's helping me by being my training partner (and she would be helping, big time), she might be able to get fitter and healthier without risking an ED. Right?

I ate lunch at a quarte to 11. It's now almost one. I'm not hungry, but my mouth is wanting to CHEW! Mouth hunger, not stomach hunger. I know I'll get some stomach hunger too early for dinner.

Help me think of somethings I could do during the day to manage extreme boredom! Here's a list of a few things:

1. Read a really good book
2. Watch a movie
3. Pull out the photography course that I paid $1200 for and haven't even opened the boxes!
4. Take some pictures of my kids
5. Practice my guitar
6. Work on my novel
7. Work on organizing my vintage clothes collection to get back to selling and making some money.

That's all I got for now. Any other SAHMs out there? What do you do to keep from losing your mind when the baby is napping and the big kids are doing thier things?