Once Upon a Fat Girl

Monday, June 12, 2006

Enough is Enough

I'm hungry. Goddamnit I want to eat.

Only I'm not really hungry, because I just finished eating. I'm mouth hungry, not stomach hungry.

I want to binge. I want to dive into a pool of Cherry Garcia. I want to drive down to Little Ceasers on the corner and buy one of those large pepperoni pizzas that they precook so you just have to walk in, pay your $5 and walk out. I want to make the rounds of my favorite fast food joints and surround myself with a Big Mac, Jack-in-the-Box tacos, Burger King fries and those little chocolate cakes from Carl's Junior.

And I do not want to share. I do NOT want to share.

Why? Why am I feeling this sudden, very unwelcome wanting to eat? Why am I feeling like such a failure? I'm not hungry. I promise I'm not. This isn't about starving myself or eating some crazy super low-calorie diet. I ate a salad with steak and blue cheese. My stomach is full, but not over stuffed.

God I hate that not-quite-full-enough feeling. I want to feel stuffed, so full that I can barely move, so packed with food that I couldn't fit in one more bite if I tried.

I'm on my way to the Y with the kids so that they can swim. I'm going to get a workout in.

Someone, please remind me that I can do this. I'm having a crisis of concious.

Today's affirmation: I do not need to binge, enough is enough.


Blogger Living to Feel Good said...

You can do this, and I am posting something you said the other day to show it is worth it, that you are worth it, and that you can do it!! YOU CAN!

"1. Six weeks ago I couldn't walk 90 seconds at 3 mph. Now I can walk an hour at 3 mph, and jog 90 seconds at 4.5 mph.

2. I've lost 8 inches and 12.5 pounds.

3. I wore a sports bra today that I couldn't even get over my head six weeks ago.

4. I can wear my size 24 shirts again...I was up to a tight 26. I can button up my size 26 shorts now...sadly I was to the point of panic when six weeks ago I couldn't come close to closing them.

5. Regardless of whether I ever lose a lot of weight, I haven't binged in six weeks and I haven't even had the need to binge for a month. I'm healing."

6:36 PM  
Blogger Shaunta said...

Thank you Sarah, I really needed that :)

7:04 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! We have almost the same amount of weight to lose so I know how overwhelming it can feel at times to lose a large amount of weight BUT IT CAN BE DONE. People do it all the time. You are NOT a failure. There's no failure in falling ~ just in not getting up and trying again. Hang in there my friend. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

8:22 PM  

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