Once Upon a Fat Girl

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


I went ahead to the gym today after all. I know. I'm stunned, too. Me! I went to the gym when I'd already given myself permission not to. I did 1.5 miles on the treadmill at 3 mph. It's funny. My head is way into being an athlete. My body is so not there yet. I want to be able to run and swim like a superhero. But I can't. Not yet. It hurts too much, and my cardio endurance just isn't there yet.

I did notice something today. Beginning of May, when I first started this, when I went on the treadmill, even at 2.5 mph--after about ten minutes I'd get this horrible pain running from my hip down the outside of my leg. And today I walked 30 on the treadmill at 3 mph and the pain wasn't there. Totally gone. Nice!

I need some really good gym shoes. I have funky feet. First, they are ginormous...11W. Except they are only wide across the ball of my foot. The heel and arch are normal width. So, if the shoe fits the front of my foot, it's slipping and sliding on the back. And if it fits the heel...well, I'd never know because the front of my foot won't be wedged in.

Second, my feet are claustraphobic! I know that's weird. But it's true. I actually have panic attacks if I can't move my feet and legs properly. I've had nightmares about sleeping in a sleeping bag. I can't have sheets tucked in or wrapped around my legs in anyway. Should Kevin's leg touch mine (or worse, touch my foot) during sleep...forget it.

It's actually taken me this long to get to where I'm going to the gym because I can't stand to wear heavy shoes. Running/tennis/cross-training shoes are like torture devises to me. My biggest concern when we go to Disneyland is what shoes will I wear. And it's always flip flops. That's all I wear. Flip Flops.

As Kevin says, I'd never make it if we moved to Minnesota. To which I always reply, good damn thing we have no reason to ever move to Minnesota.

Anyway, I found a pair of gym shoes I can tolerate. They're really light weight, and they fit the ball of my foot comfortably without slipping and giving my heels blisters. They're a little too big on the arch...but I can live with that.

What I want is a pair of super light weight (feather light, like you can't even feel them on) running shoes with lots of ventalation that are fit perfectly to my foot. Any suggestions?

Jen: Yes, I'll be going back at least once more to TOPS. I'm hoping the donuts were some sort of one-time-thing. And if they weren't...well I'm hoping they don't make me too crazy. If they do, I'll have to think of something. Every time I've been involved with TOPS I've noticed a mentality that on weigh-in day all bets are off. Everyone goes out for a heavy, rich, fatty lunch after. And the donut thing (although I've never seen THAT before.) I think it goes with knowing you're going to be weighed once a week, so there's six days to work off that Smoky Bacon Cheeseburger and large fries. And maple bar.

Anyone know if Weight Watchers has the same dynamic going on? I'm not going to fall into it this time. It's a very, very diet-y way to think.


Blogger kathrynoh said...

I don't go to WW but I think a lot of people who do have that mentality - pig out after weigh in.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I've been to both WW and TOPS and it's the same with both. You wouldn't believe the WW members I saw at the fast food drive ins after the meeting and at my TOPS meetings they talk about how they're going to have a big dinner and get back on track the next day. So it's pretty common at both places.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I have the same issues with my feat! My feet have to be out of the covers at night. I can't stand socks (Devices of Torture) and shoes drive me crazy. When I go out to a fancy restaurant I slip my shoes off under the table. I sort of keep my toes in so nobody notices. Same as when I am at work. Most of the I am walking around in my socks. If a client comes in I am forced to slip them on. As soon as I come home from work I am shoeless and sockless. I have one pair of slippers that I own that I don't want to throw across the room. Damn. As I think about all this I realize I have some issues!

9:30 PM  
Blogger drstaceyny said...

Donuts at TOPS--that's like serving drinks at AA!

Unless the mentality is one of behavaioral exposure (being constantly surrounded by donuts may reduce the craving), it sounds very diet-y, as you mentioned.

Re: running shoes, I'd try to visit a specialty running store, if they have one near you. You'll find more expertise there (they can tell by your stance if you pronate/supinate/etc) and more variety. They'll also usually let you take a walk (or jog) down the street to try the shoes out. You can also buy a pair, walk them into your gym, try them on the treadmill, and then return them if they're not right. Good luck!

6:59 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

...like serving drinks at AA. LOL, that's perfect. And true if you ask me! I don't want to live in that diety way either. Oh I'll pig out today and start again tomorrow, etc. No thanks. Not that I haven't done that, not that I won't again but I don't want it to be a habit! Take it easy on the exercise..sounds like you are finding your groove but try not to kill yourself right away :)

8:23 AM  

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