Once Upon a Fat Girl

Monday, June 19, 2006

TOPS or No TOPS?

My favorite lunch right now:

Tuna salad (made with a tiny bit of mayo, pickle relish, red wine vinegar and lemon pepper)
Garlic Triscuits
Knudsen Doubles cottage cheese and pineapple
Claussin dill pickle half

(Don't forget to brush your teeth before you kiss anyone!)

Mmmm...full, but not stuffed. Perfect.

Just thought I'd share :)

I've about 90 percent decided not to go to TOPS tomorrow. I've had a very 'diet-y' mindset this week. Particularily the old...it's okay to eat too much tonight, because I still have five days 'til weigh in. Not good.

I'm also finding myself this week, more than the previous six, wanting to go on an actual diet, and then start natural eating when I'm less fat. Really not good.

I've been thinking a lot about Adrienne. What kind of message am I sending her with TOPS? I have a couple of years of influence left with her (really, at nearly 14, that's all) and I'd really like to instill in her the idea that dieting doesn't work. And that she should listen to her body's signals, not some printed out weight-loss plan, or points or anything else. TOPS doesn't have a diet it passes out to members, but every member I've ever met is on one.

I'm really starting to notice some physical changes, mostly I think resulting from the exercise I've been doing.

I woke up this morning, and cleaned my kitchen. At 7 a.m. Aside from the fact that I was doing something so physical before I had caffine--as I was washing the dishes, I realized that my back didn't hurt. For the past couple of years, whenever I cleaned the kitchen, especially the dishes, my lower back would start aching so bad I'd have to stop and sit down. Sometimes I cried a little. My back hasn't bothered me at all in at least a month.

I took Adrienne to buy some gym clothes, and parked between two stores. Normally I would have parked right in front of one, then drove the other end of the lot to the other store. I didn't even realize what I'd done until I was headed back out of the first store. It was just automatic.

I have to find a way to make this not be about the weight. That won't happen until I can stop weighing myself everyday and writing down every bite that I eat. Going to weight loss meetings seems like maybe it's just a step in the wrong direction.

5 Comments:

Blogger Louisa said...

You're doing it Shaunta and it looks like it's becoming second nature! It's nice when that little switch flicks over and these things that we are striving for become habit.

Great news on the back as well. As someone with a back injury I know what a hinderance it can be, and what a relief it is when things start to improve.

Way to go!

4:59 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Maybe TOPS could be a good place to get support? Maybe not? It sort of sounds like you don't really NEED to go. Especially if it makes you feel "diety" If you do continue to attend meetings you could tell your daughter that you are going for the support and camaraderie.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Oh, and I wanted to mention that it is sooo cool that you parked where you did. :) Yay, a new awesome habit!

5:39 PM  
Blogger Living to Feel Good said...

You know whatever works for you, you should keep it. If you don't feel like you need TOPS don't go. I think it's nice that you keep your daughter in mind too. My husband and I always park far away from our destination, so we can get a couple extra feet in walking.

I love those Knudsen Cottage Cheese doubles. Try the raspberry one. Pineapple use to be my favorite, but now I think the raspberry might be!

8:00 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I agree with them. ^^ If you feel like TOPS isn't for you then don't go. You know what feels right for you. I have to have a weekly weigh in to keep me accountable but that's just me. Everyone is different. You know what works for you. :)

8:30 PM  

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