I did not eat ANY Ben and Jerry's today. Because...I'm out. I ate it all yesterday. BUT also because I just didn't need it today. I'm feeling far less stressed out.

I carry my stress in my back and shoulders. Especially my shoulders. And today and yesterday my right shoulder feels like I'm carrying a hundred pound chip on it. You know what I mean? Like a heavy pressure type pain. Ugh. I was at CVS today and bought a one-pack of this thing that you put on a sore muscle and it heats up. It worked like a charm, but the thing looks exactly EXACTLY like a huge maxi pad. I came --><-- this close to accidently wearing that thing with a tank top to Office Depot tonight. Seriously. That would have been embarassing. I spent a good part of today getting to know the program I want to use for Nick's homeschooling. Turns out it's the same program, Compass Learning. After looking it over, I'm starting Nick with 5th grade math and social studies and 6th grade language arts and science. I'm not sure about the science, because Nick has never had much in the way of that subject. We'll just have to jump in and see how it goes. I wanted to start him on sixth grade social science...it was about Hebrew history, but when I started to read it, it seemed like the reading was too advanced for him. Lots of big words that he hasn't been exposed to yet, because he's spent so many years in a program that focuses only on his behavior and not at all on his academics. The fifth grade social studies starts with a unit on Olmec Civilization, and has easier reading assignments.

If I can get him up to grade level (seventh grade) in a year, that would be so fantastic. I'd love for him to start school in Ely at grade level. He's so happy right now that I've agreed to let him be homeschooled. I think I need to do some research about teaching special needs children social skills.

I try hard not to wonder "why me? Why my kid?" It doesn't do any good, and it feels pretty awful to wish that your kid was different or someone else. I believe in karma and that everything happens for a reason. Nick is a difficult, complicated person. I'm his mother because the universe or God or whatever, whoever decides these things, thought I'd be the best mom for him. And that he'd be the best son for me. It's hard not to get sucked into a cycle of wishing things were different, wishing that I had one of those kids that never made a ripple in life. Instead, I have one who does a cannonball-belly flop every time he makes a move. And you know what? Cannonballs can be fun, if you don't fight against them.

Time to start celebrating the kid he is, instead of mourning the kid he's not.

Time to stop trying to fit my cannonball kid into a non-ripple-making mold.