Some people collect stamps...

Nick has a friend named Darian. Darian makes me want to pull my hair out on a very regular basis. Gah. He's so annoying. He has this voice that is completely monotone, totally lacking in inflection, and so nasal that I want to shake him sometimes and tell him to just STOP IT. He just drones on and on in this completely nasal, monotone whine. And he's a total know-it-all. I just heard this conversation in Nick's room.

"Nick you'd better let me play the Playstation now because now because if you don't you muscles will start to exude lactic acid and that hurts and you won't like it at all so you'd better let me play know because if your muscles start to exude lactic acid you'll really hate it..."

The boy actually speaks without punctuation. And at twelve says "exude lactic acid." And his nasal tone is so pronounced...think of Lily Tomlin pretending to be a telephone operator. That bad. Bad enough that it's hard to believe it's his normal tone.

The worst though, the very worst, is that the kid says "ooooooooowwwwwwwwww" without inflection or punctuation...just this drawn out whine...if Nick looks at him funny. I know for experience that the kid is looking for my attention, and is trying to find it by being passive aggressive. (If I don't acknowledge his oooooooowwwww he says it again, a little louder.) You'll find out below why he needs attention.

I think maybe he has Asperger's Syndrom. The very mild form of autism that the school is testing Nick for. I don't think Nick is this annoying, but what do I know? Some other kid's mom might be writing in her blog right now that she knows this boy that makes her insane with annoyance.

So here's the thing. Darian is Nick's first real friend. He spends every weekend at our house from after school Friday until I kick him out to go reintroduce himself to his dad on Sunday afternoon. He's smart as a whip, too. I took him and Nick shopping at a thrift store with me today and told them they could each spend a buck. He only spent a quarter. On a Tom Clancy novel.

Somehow the two of them don't get on each other's nerves. Which is a good thing, because as much as Darian drives me nuts, Nick needs a buddy.

This morning Darian came by our house at 7:45 a.m. I told him Nick was still asleep, and that I'd send Nick over when he woke up. Later that morning, I asked Darian why he came by so early and he said that his dad kicked him out of the house and wouldn't let him back in. Apparently the kid spent all morning sitting by the door of his apartment waiting for Nick to come get him at about 9:30 a.m.

What the fuck is up with that? The kid annoys me, he's not mine...and even I wouldn't leave him sitting on the stoop. If he'd told me he couldn't go home, I would have let him stay. I made sure he knew that. His parents are so messed up. Both drug addicts. Normally, Darian only lives with his dad who, last I knew, was recovering. His mom, who is not recovering, is 'staying' with them for a bit. Sounds bad to me. Darian told me today that his dad is trying hard to kick his mom out, because when they all live together it's bad news.

Just stop a minute and imagine a twelve year old saying something like that with no inflection in his voice, no emotion...just this whiny monotone...heartbreaking.

I'm a bleeding heart liberal and proud of it. When I think about these people, I think...what happened to make them this way? What causes drug addiction? What causes a chain of events that leads to locking your kid out before 8 a.m. in an iffy neighborhood? How did two such fucked up people come together and make a child? Why would the universe stick a child like Darian, with these idiots who clearly can't care for him properly? What will happen to Darian if no one steps up to give him some attention?

So, I adopt another crazy boy and add him to my collection.