You Know That Half-Laugh/Half-Cry Feeling?

That's how I feel today.

We didn't get the house. Not only did we not get it, they were so offended by the offer that they put a big red X through it and wrote REJECTED in big letters. And yelled. And refused to make a counter offer, or sell us their house at any price.

Now the offer was significantly less than they were looking for--$120,000 when they want $189,900. But two years ago they wanted $80,000--and I think $40,000 increase in two years is generous. Especially when the house wasn't actually worth $80,000 back then--as evidenced by the fact that it didn't sell at that price.

Their reaction is ridiculous to me. Why take it personally? We took a shot and hoped for the best--we weren't taking aim at them or making a comment on them or their house.

Anywho.

We're looking at some more houses on Saturday next week, when we get to town. Who knows. Maybe the right house is still out there, not even on the market yet--and we were just saved by the universe from buying the wrong one. Anything is possible.

I'll find out Monday about the job. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

Things are coming together

I got on the scale this morning and I've lost almost six pounds since I went to the doctor about three weeks ago. Nice, eh?

It looks like I have a job in Ely. I'll find out for sure on Monday, but I think it's almost a sure thing. I'll be a special education aide at the elementary school in McGill, which is a teeny tiny little town next to Ely. They need an aide that can speak Spanish. I took a chance that my six years of middle school/high school Spanish and one summer in Costa Rica when I was 14 would be more than most of the applicant's in rural Nevada might have. Plus, I'd already taken the para-pro test they require and I've already interviewed with the assistant super intendant of schools. AND, as Nick's grandma told me the other day, I have a Master's Degree in special ed. Anyone who spends as much time at IEP meetings as I do would.

So the job rocks because it offers awesome health benefits without requiring me to work full-time. Every Wednesday is a half-day in this district, and I'll only be working six hours the other day. Plus summers and vacations off. Oh yeah.

My biggest worry is putting Ruby in daycare for the couple of month's until Kevin gets out there. It's tearing me apart. I think she'll actually enjoy it, she loves playing with other kids. And she's a super, super easy kid to take care of. Once Kevin gets to Ely, he can pick her up at noon, she can have lunch and a nap, and when she wakes up, Momma will be home.

I haven't had an outside-the-house job in four years, and it's been three before that since I had a job that wasn't working for my dad. I'm excited about it. I have a tendancy to keep to myself too much, and as a result I have exactly one friend, who I'm of course leaving here in Vegas. (She won't move with me, damn her!) Working will take me out of my shell, I think--and I'm looking forward to meeting people.

Second Home

I've decided to start a new blog as a place to put my obsession's regarding Peak Oil, Global Warming, moving out of Vegas, etc.

Hope you'll come by and say hey! I'll still be posting here, but I'll try to keep this more to health/weight etc. for now.

We Aren't Stupid

Be forwarned...I'm about to sound like a cheesey Coke commercial.

When I read blogs and articles and posts and comments about Peak Oil/Global Warming/Climate Change/The Economy I find a common theme that I find seriously disturbing. The main idea from the author seems to be, a lot of the time: "I can see how screwed we are, but the rest of the world is too stupid/selfish/retarded to stop consuming/driving SUVs/buying houses they can't afford/emitting carbon to care."

It's a very holier than thou position that I, as Peak Oil/Climate Change aware as I am, find so off putting that I have to remind myself to look for the actual message the author is trying to get across. My one real pet peeve (shut up, Kevin) is pretension and this is pretension at it's worst.

It's ridiculous to say that people can't stop consuming. There is so much conflicting information out there, and the whole message is so fucking scary, that it isn't any wonder that some people stick their fingers in their ear and scream "charge it!" whilst flinging cheap Chinese plastic goods into their cart at Wal-Mart.

No one in power has sat us down and said, "Our energy source is about to get scarce, and we're heating up the world with our consumption. We have to make a change. It has to be done now. Technology won't get us out of this one. Here's what we can all do to get through this and adapt to a new America."

Until that happens, it isn't any wonder that so many of us are blindly living like nothing has changed. As long as they can say, "why would they be building more SUVs if Global Warming was real?" or, "the president says we'll just run our cars on corn," the organization needed for mass change isn't there.

One huge step in the right direction, IMO, would be for the bloggers and journalists and commenters to bloggers and journalists, to stop telling us that, while they're willing to make the sacrifice, the rest of us are too stupid or lazy or greedy to do anything different from what we're doing now. We here that enough, and it starts to feel like the truth. Then the people who might have changed can't figure out how to do it, because they honestly believe everyone else is too lazy/stupid/greedy to do it, too. And how much damage could their little SUV really be causing, in the face of so much mass idiocy?

If all the people who get it, who understand and believe, would put their energy into believing that the people around them care as much as they do (or would, given the chance and understanding) the shift would be amazing.

We are reaching a tipping point on several fronts. It's time to really start believing that it's possible to weather the changes, and learn to live a different way.

Forgive Me Abs

I got a book called Escape Your Shape by Edward J. Jackowski from the thrift store the other day. It's very interesting--says that everyone is one of four shapes: Hourglass, Spoon, Cone or Ruler. Despite the fact that most rulers are thin, I am a ruler. My bust and hips have the same measurement, and my waist is less than six inches smaller. Rulers gain weight around their waist first, which is definitely me. They also have weak abdomin and back muscles, and lowish muscle tone in general, which is also me.

So I did the beginner workout today, which I'm supposed to do three times a week, with one or two "day off" routines as well. Holy Hell. It included doing 20 each of five different ab exercises. I was SO proud of myself for finishing them. I went on with the rest of the routine and what's there? Do 20 of each of the five ab exercises again. No way. I had to stop, which was fine because I'd been working out for 45 minutes already. I'm sure someday I'll be stronger and I'll be able to do the set twice. Today I'm trying not to think about doing them again tomorrow.

***

I love this website. Everytime I log on and see that she's posted, I get excited. If you have the time and interest, her entire site is worth reading. Right now she has 100 more things you can do to prepare for Peak Oil (or whatever comes down the pike. Severe weather? Global Warming? Unemployment?)

Increasingly, I'm finding myself thinking of getting healthy as a matter of survival. I can't remember if I already told you guys that I just had some blood work done. My cholesterol is shockingly low, only 126. But my HDL (good cholesterol) is only 29. It should be about 50, according to the doctor. The only real ways to raise your good cholesterol is to exercise and to lose someweight (thereby lowering your triglycerides. Mine aren't high, but they are on the high side of normal.) I'm not super worried about this, because my ratio of HDL to total cholesterol isn't too bad. But I don't want to have a heart attack. I'm shockingly out of shape--exercising for 45 minutes today was difficult enough to make me feel a little sick.

Whether or not anyone believes in Peak Oil or Global Warming--no one can deny that there is a health care crisis going on in our country. I don't want to get cancer during a time when it is becoming less and less easy to get treatment. I don't want to get cancer at all--and I think I can prevent it even though both of my mother and all my grandparents died of cancer and my dad is a survivor. Antioxidants are my friends.

I keep thinking I have to get over my obsession with food. It is conceivable that when things get really tight, American's will be forced to go back to eating what they can buy locally or grow themselves. We're growing food to be used as fuel, killing the honeybees with pesticides and screwing up the weather with our astonishing consumption. The only people alive who can remember really bad times in our country are old, and were children or at best very young adults during the Great Depression, so it's easy for us to start thinking that we deserve to eat whatever we want whenever we want it. Bananas from Peru, chocolate from Switzerland, Cherries from Chile. It's easy for us to believe that we are above getting our hands dirty in order to eat. But it's very likely that a time is coming soon when we won't have so many options. When food traveling 6000 miles ONE WAY to get to us is unacceptable. Where it costs so much even to truck our food from California that we have to be much more aware of what we are eating.

It's easier not to think about these things. It's much easier to believe Bush when he says that American Ingenuity and technology will save us. It's easier not close our eyes and our minds to the idea that paying attention to where our food comes from is important. Who wants to think about a time when it's too expensive to drive to work, much less import peaches? But if we don't start thinking about it, we can't prepare. And if we prepare, we can rise above the hard times. If we decide today that gardening is fun, that eating something we've pulled out of the ground ourselves is a really cool thing to do--how much easier to deal when it becomes necessary instead of a hobby?

Feeling good

I wonder if having tooth decay can bring down your energy level? Or if maybe I had some other sort of low-level infection, and the antibiotics the dentist gave me are cleaning it up. Whatever the reason, my energy level is wonderful today. What a great thing, because I have a lot of stuff to do in the next three weeks for our move.

I stopped at a thrift store the other day and bought two Richard Simmons videos. I got through about half of one today, and was ready for more (shocking) when the tape started rolling and it was impossible to see what Richard was doing. Ruby totally loved it!

So here's what I'm doing right now, who knows which one (or combo thereof) is making me feel better?

1. Kevin bought me a Jack LaLaine juicer last week and I've been juicing six carrots, an apple and a handful of berries (blueberries and raspberries) midmorning this week.

2. I've been getting a little more exercise this week, mostly because I feel better so I don't feel like sitting like a lump on the couch watching whatever Netflix delivered that day.

3. I've been visualizing my metabolism like a fire in my blood, and every time I eat or move I think about my metabolism and how I'm stoking that fire. I know it sounds silly, but I think it works. I also visualized waking up after being at the dentist with absolutely no pain in my mouth--and it worked. No kidding. I didn't have to take any of my vicodin, even after two root canals, two crowns and three fillings.

4. I've been freaked out by how fast my teeth went down hill after my last round of root canals--so I listened to the dentist this time and I haven't been eating much sugar and no soda.

5. I'm being REALLY good about my vitamins. I think that I'm especially benefitting from the B-complex and the iron.

6. I got a copy of Bob Greene's new book at the thrift store. Normally I try not to buy into diet books, just because I get caught up too easily. But it was a buck, so what the heck, right? Anyway, Bob (and Oprah) say no eating after 7:30 p.m. and I've been sticking with that this week. Plus, my dentist told me that frequent eating is really bad for your teeth because it doesn't give your saliva enough time to do it's job (gross, I know.)

So, there you have it. I have no idea if I'm losing weight. To be perfectly honest, I don't even care. Really. Because I feel really good right this minute, and that's a step up right there.

Hey. Maybe it's the nearly 24-hours of sleep I got Monday, courtesy of my wonderful dentist's anethesia? Could be.

Observations

As I write this, I'm experiencing a strange thing.

Aloneness.

Adrienne and Nick are at their dad's, Kevin is at work and Ruby is long asleep. My house is half-packed and it's 11:15 p.m. and I feel good. Very centered and sure of myself. I feel like I can conquer the world, if I have to. I also feel grateful that I don't have to.

I wanted to thank Laura for her comment about Nick. It's strange, you know. I sometimes (pretty often) get called on the carpet for my acceptance of him. You know: the kid needs more discipline, he needs a good whack, "if he were MY kid..." About the code-switching--my personal thought on it is that as he gets older it won't matter so much. Because an adult talking to a kid like an equal isn't quite the same in our society as a kid talking to an adult as one, right?

He took a personality test today as part of his extraordinarily long psycho-educational testing to get a medical diagnosis of autism (or whatever.) It had 450 questions. I talked them into letting me read them to him, because if he had to read them to himself, we'd still be there. Funny thing though--he skipped a spot in the bubble filling out and so from about halfway through the test, the answers didn't reflect his response to the question.

For instance: I smoke marijuana regularly was marked as "true" on accident. As was: I am obsessed with sexual thoughts and I hate everyone in my family. Hmm. Marked mistakenly as false: I like myself, I never tease animals and I am not fascinated with fire.

Thank God I caught the mistake. Can you imagine the response that would have come back? Administering the test was enlightening though. Nick is clearly okay with himself. He is cool with himself. He thinks people get mad at him without cause, which has apparently made him slightly paranoid.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to get a blood test (my thyroid again. We'll see.) and then pick up Adrienne and Nick from their dad's house. Then Adrienne is leaving for Ely with her grandparents. A whole month without my girl. How am I going to manage it? I seriously don't know. I've never spent so much time away from her. I'm going to miss her so much.

The other day I watched The Secret Movie. It was pretty--enlightening. All about the law of attraction and the impact that gratitude and visualization can have. I was a little disappointed in the materialistic bent of the movie (a ton of the movie was about using the secret to get things like a sports car--which is totally inappropriate in this time of dwindling resources IMO.) But the basic gist was really good. I'm going to spend some meditation time visualizing Adrienne making good friends and finding totally happiness at her new school.

On Monday I'm having some dental work. I'm choosing to be grateful that I can have the work done, and see myself having a healthy mouth. One step toward that is my decision to brush and floss every time I eat. Something has to give. Less than two years ago I had no cavities, now I have decay so bad I need two root canals and three filings? Plus, it'll help make me very aware of what I'm eating I guess. Nothing wrong with that. I do not want to be the 40-year-old toothless wonder, you know?